Shriek of the Sapu Lidi

在找 Intimacy 嗎？

2006-03-26T17:08:00.000-08:00

‘Edwin, you got any rich guy friends to introduce? I want a boyfriend!’

‘Eh… need to get a girl soon…friday nite i was alone in the lib… also a shitty feeling’

‘I find that I need my 終身幸福… what if I don’t get married?”

To my friends… here’s what I have for you:

Our need for other people is paradoxical. Whilst we are caught up in the race to be independent; we also yearn for intimacy and connection with a special loved one.
We focus all our energy on finding the one person whom we hope will heal our loneliness; yet prop up our illusion that we are still independent…

This is more so in places like Singapore where we have a mixed of western and Chinese culture. One promoting ‘intimacy’ as characterized by a deep level of connection between two people, having one special person with whom you can share your deepest feelings, fears and so on… without which they will find something missing in their lives. The other promoting ‘happy family’ (Don’t believe, think about a happy family in your mind now… and at the bottom you’d see the logo MCDS).

What does the Dalai Lama say about this? I bet you guys are expecting the unexpected… for if the Dalai says something as predictable, then he won’t be called the Dalai… (and most of you who’ve read the earlier posting would have figured out by now…)

“No. I have never felt a lack of intimacy… with many people I could share my deepest feelings, fears and concerns… So when I was in Tibet or since I’ve become a refugee, I’ve never felt a lack of people with whom I can share things. It’s easy for me to share things with others; I’m just not good at keeping secrets. (Including state secrets during Cabinet meetings of the Tibetan government-in-exile: the Kashag.)

It’s not just a matter of knowing people and having a superficial exchange but of really sharing my deepest problems and suffering. And it’s the same thing when I hear good news; I immediately share it with others. So, I feel a sense of intimacy and connection with my friends… I feel it is very helpful because then the other person participates and we can face the problem or suffering together.”

Today, so many of us are oppressed by a feeling of something missing in our lives; and intensely suffering from a lack of intimacy. This is more so when we’re in periods of not being involved in a romantic relationship or when the passion wanes from a relationship.

My friends, beware of the widespread notion in our culture: that deep intimacy is best achieved within the context of a passionate romantic relationship – a Special Someone who we set apart from all others. This can be a profoundly limiting viewpoint, cutting us off from other potential sources of intimacy, and the cause of much misery and unhappiness when that Special Someone isn’t there.

The Dalai Lama’s model of intimacy is based on a willingness to open ourselves to many others, to family, friends, and even strangers, forming genuine and deep bonds based on our common humanity.

To convert to such a mental model takes a lot of conviction, time and compassion in those around us – the resources that we can tax on for intimacy and happiness. A lot of cultivation and training of the mind is required… as were with the many solutions to happiness proposed by the Dalai.

And as I’ve told a close friend of mine… don’t worry about finding a partner… I mean we are all still young, and to obtain that ‘intimacy’, there’s so many ways we can do so. Furthermore, even if you face a daunting prospect of not finding a life-partner due to careers etc etc… it may just be an opportunity to have life-PARTNERS…

Transcend Transcend my friends… Tell you the truth… everytime I get a new Special Someone… I wake up the next morning, not feeling sweet… but thinking… ‘What the hell have I done?’
有人說梅好吃。。。有人便Ah-Q地說, ‘望梅止渴’ 就好了。。。我說，管他梅好不好吃。。。沒梅，去fruitstall可能會有榴蓮或芒果。。

Are you lonely? 你孤單嗎？

2006-03-26T15:43:00.000-08:00

As many of you may know, it's the hols for me now... I've spent possibly two weeks alone... possibly not speaking for days; and sometimes, not seeing anyone at all… Ask if I’m lonely… I don’t think so, and I figured the reason:

A psychologist asked the Dalai Lama briefly, “Do you ever get lonely?”

“No,” he said simply.

The psychologist was unprepared for this response as he assumed that his response would be along the lines of, “Of course…every once in a while everyone feels some loneliness…” And that would have made the interview easier with such predicted answers and thus, predicted responses – just like a tennis match.

How can somebody confidently say that he’s never been lonely all his life? (Without any second thought?) I’ve always heard 20+ year olds around me lamenting how lonely they are… just like some elderly 阿伯 isolated in empty apartments or in the back wards of nursing homes. How ironic…

The psychologist asked, “What do you attribute that to?”

He thought for a moment. “I think one factor is that I look at any human being from a more positive angle; I try to look for their positive aspects. This attitude immediately creates a feeling of affinity, a kind of connectedness...”

“And it may partly be because on my part, there is less apprehension, less fear, that if I act in a certain way, maybe the person will lose respect or think that I am strange. So because that kind of fear and apprehension is normally absent, there is a kind of openness. I think it’s the main factor.”

The psychologist then asked “How would you suggest that a person achieve the ability to feel that comfortable with people, not have that fear of apprehension of being disliked or judged by other people? Are there specific methods that an average person could use to develop this attitude?”

The gist of what the Dalai said in response is…

We need to realize the usefulness of compassion rather than dismissing it as something childish or sentimental; and thereby being able to accept it and cultivate it within us. Once you activate this compassion seed within your mind, your attitude towards others changes automatically.

If you approach others with the thought of compassion, that will automatically reduce fear and allow openness with others… thus creating a positive, friendly atmosphere which creates a possibility of receiving affection or a positive response from the other person. Regardless of what the response is, it does allow the possibility of having a meaningful conversation with them.
Without the attitude of compassion, if you are feeling closed, irritated, or indifferent, then even if you are approached by your best friend; you’d feel uncomfortable.

The Dalai’s prima facie meaning is that we BRUSH UP OUR SOCIAL SKILLS…but what he actually meant, is something that bypasses all the artificial social skills found in all the networking seminars and etiquette classes you get outside… it cut straights to the heart – realizing the value of compassion and then cultivating it.

If we can all spend a few seconds looking at each individual who passes by, and look at their positive value…
If we can all cultivate ourselves to embrace each individual with compassion, rather than being critical in assessing them…
If we can spend a few minutes daily, changing our mind-lens to that of a compassionate one…
We’ll never be lonely.

If we reach out a hand to shake and it’s not reciprocated, there’s nothing embarrassing about it if we choose to transcend such a feeling…
If we open our arms to give a hug, and that person does a 周星馳-style-run-away-hug… there’s nothing embarrassing about it since we had a moment of happiness… and almost had a bonus… of course the stretch of chest muscles.

All my friends, at this point I do have to make a disclaimer for the above posting… and that is I’m not encouraging you to be more ‘compassionate’ towards the ‘chiobu’ you see at Double-O or MS and being abhorrently bold in your approaches… nor do I mean going all-out hippies-style and doing the immoral things.
There’s a positive and moral notion tagged to the word ‘Compassion’ that the Dalai uses strictly…

I’ll update more when I find answers to frequent questions that I see plaguing the lives of those around me…

And lastly, if we send a letter to an angel… and the letter gets missing on its way to heaven or back… though it be disappointing… but it did give you time to hope, to believe and to wait faithfully by the postbox, isn’t it?

Hey, So you wanna be like her?

2006-03-24T02:16:00.000-08:00

A lady sent me this email this morning...

"An older lady gets pulled over for speeding..

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see..Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

MORAL: Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies"

As we can see... this person is very free and very 'loso'... and she's is growing old very fast... (Don't believe? Look at how she turned from 'Woman' to 'Older Woman' in the first 5 lines.)

Heard a story about how a frail old woman couldn't take a train home, a few days back. Rather gloomy prospects for the aged... But having heard of the heroic story of how 82 year olds are standing for General Elections... and how old ladies are still as bitchy as during their prime... I'm comforted that the sender will live very well...

Shan't say who the sender is, the above is a warning to her son...

Mum, Goodluck to your next 150 Years on Earth ah!

Why Shriek of the Sapu Lidi?

2006-03-22T15:04:00.000-08:00

Why Shriek of the Sapu Lidi?

Listened to Mr Brown podcast on 'Singapore Gaga'. Margaret Leng-Tan's mention of the 'Sapu Lidi' immediately brought back the 7am smells of primary school, the harsh but very distinct sound of the road-sweeper, with the Sapu lidi broom.

I never knew it's called 'Sapu lidi' until mum told me it's that, when I was organising Kite-Flying competition onboard RSS210 years back.

Spoke to Huixin the other day about her architecture competition on 'Singaporean Identity'. (Yes, that Aussie girl is going back to Singapore in 2 days time for it...) Here's what happened:
Ed: Wah good, you can eat the food...the char kuay teow...
Xin: No I don't eat char kuay teow!
Ed: Then what you gonna do when you go back?
Xin: I want to take the public transport, be in the hustle-bustle, and just listen to the sounds and see the crowd...

I've to qualify that Huixin doesn't know of 'Singapore Gaga'. And that made me rethink about what I did last summer when I went home.

I couldn't understand then, why I was so restless and kept wanting to leave the house... even if it's a trip to Orchard Road, walk down from Orchard MRT station to Somerset and coming home... The food didn't taste as nice nor did I have that much of a craving for duck noodles as I thought I would have... yet daily, the Huat-Kueh gang would receive msgs from me for outings... Dehoe, Eric and KKL especially...

Honestly I do miss Ah-ma's house at Little India when I was young. Elements of colonial rule deeply marinated the place (yes you heard me...Marinate as in soaked and preserved). The foggy smell in the morning with the dusts settling on the pillows in the morning... the shouts of the ah-neh cleaners downstairs and roar of dustbin-truck. Ah-gong's coffee and the smell of prawn noodles; the sound of someone brushing teeth furiously at the sink resonated by the sweeper downstairs, and of course, with his Sapu lidi.

In primary school, it's always a pain to wake up at 6am to catch the school bus... and to reach school ahead of everyone else just to sit in the dark... waiting for assembly... listening to childish kids who play catching (I thought it was childish, though I played it as well) etc etc... and at the background... the dreaded Sapu lidi... it was such a pain to the ears... 'Why can't the uncle use soft broom?'

But it was the Sapu lidi and company that formed the welcoming orchestra whenever I return to River Valley Primary... and that strikes a chord somewhere in me whenever I hear it. I just didn't realise until Margaret Leng-Tan mentioned it... Yes I took it for granted (the usual regret of brats like me).

To my friends in Singapore now... I know char kuay teow isn't as interesting as the uninteresting breads we students eat here... and I do not expect you to like it. But I believe Tan Pin Pin's production would be a good memory to savour upon when you embark on a jet-setter's life later on... In other words, GO WATCH THE MOVIE! (I'm crossing my fingers that it's still up when I'm home in July.)

Anyway I was totally captured by the idea of Sapu lidi... yes that familiar sound that's unique to home... it does spark senses... forget about 'National Education' and the 'Nation Heartbeat'. It's the humble sapu lidi and the likes of it that attracts us home...

-End-

(PS: Guys, now you know - it's not I Brokeback or no-life keep asking you out... I can't help it... Just like how I'm like a flower in UK... blooming and running around whenever the Sun comes out... though it hasn't done much so, this Spring.)

Overture

2006-03-22T12:59:00.000-08:00

I've never blogged before... starting this blog is purely out of boredom and possibly to join the craze of getting a life... a virtual life.

Looking all around us, there are so many meaningful blogs... so much so it becomes meaningless reading them as perhaps everyone shares the same sentiments, the same inquiries, and possibly the same philosophy.

For you who found this blog, I hope your time spent here is well spent... economically, I'd apologise if you found reading my blog incurring greater opportunity costs than doing something else.

For my friends, hope I'm as entertaining here as you know me... or as enriching as my experiences in Warwick had been...

Alright, on with the show!